Truth

I am a Moslem since my birth. I was sent to religious school since my childhood. When I was 13, I was sent to religious boarding school until age 17. When I was 18, I continued study at religous university until age 25. My early education, my environment, everything start with Islamic teaching and environment from 6 years old until 25 years old. For 19 years with Islamic teachings and environment, I still not understand the objective of living in this world. Deep into my heart, after 19 years old taught with Islam, I still don't know the truth. After 19 years learning and learning, at age 27, I still try to find the truth. When I was 27, I believe that I can only find the truth only after death. For me (at that time), death will the answer the believe that I hold along my life is true or not. in other words, I am a disbeliever, or half believe, or partially believe my own religion.

But seeking the truth is a nature. I thanks Allah of giving this basic feeling. At least, I still search for it, I am lucky that I choose not to stop and just accept whatever I have without digging out more about the truth. i might sitting on the wrong path forever because I stop searching the truth. Seeking the truth trigger myself to find until I got the answer. At age 30, Allah answer my prayer and the seeking of the truth. I am in the right path, but along my life, my understanding not reach the level it supposed to reach, that is why I cannot understand and feel the things that I did for religion and for myself. At age 30, I just realize that the objective of my creation in this world is to serve Allah.

How...I am not sure. But it started with my own prayer. I started to just pray like other Moslem and asking Allah to show me the right path, and to give my guidance or Hidayah. With this prayer, I started to mantain the prayers, everytime I pray, I asked Allah to help me to get myself to the next pray. I asked Allah to help me to move my body to do 5 times prayers (Subuh, Zuhur, Asar, Maghrib and Isyak). Yes, He answered me, I don't know where the strength come from, but my body started to move and pray. Then I keep on searching. I search online, I type on the keyboard, "truth". The first things came is about Islam. I search and search, I found someone wrote the synopsis of Travelog Haji written by Profesor Kamil, then I bought the book. I read and my understanding became deeper. From the book,  I learn about the strength of Du'a or prayer. So I practise it, and its work. I asked Allah everything I want to ask, and He answered me in many ways. My believe became stronger and stronger. One day, I asked Allah to wake me up before Subuh, I want to pray Tahajud and other sunnah prayer. Then I really woke up at 5 am next morning, I did what I want to do. At that time I felt something that I never felt before, my heart become so calm, so peaceful. This is what I am searching for. I want to have the understanding of Islam, I want to know the truth and now I found it. I want to have deep feeling in my prayers and Ibadah, yes, I got it. I want to wake up at the middle of the night to serve my obedience to Allah, yes, Allah wake me up.

I hope I can write more, English is not my language, I just try to write it in English so people out there can find the truth as I found the truth. I hope, if somebody try to find the truth, when they search it online, when they type "truth", you will find this entry and get the truth as I got the truth. If you don't believe me, its ok, its fine. You just whisper in your heart, pray for yourself, asking in your pray that you want to find the truth, I believe you will find it, I believe you will. May Allah give all mankind His guidance.